Practicing kindness towards every single perception lets you see past the fundamental delusion of separation

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Trouble practicing kindness towards others

The major advantage being that at least I don’t beat myself up over stuff. Instead, my default position is to look for someone to blame, which keeps my inner life nice and tidy.

Trouble practicing kindness towards yourself

Of course, the people who have trouble practicing kindness towards themselves have the advantage of being somewhat more clear about the role their environments play in their successes and failures, making them far better judges of people.

The fundamental delusion of separation

Regardless on which side of the divide you find yourself, whether you are one of the summer, or one of the winter people, one of the light-bringers, or a harbinger of darkness, one of the fluffy bunnies, or a ragged old reptile, regardless… you are not seeing clearly.

Working with contradictions within metta practice

But what if the different levels of applied kindness appear to contradict eachother?

The cathartic beauty of conflict

It is rather counterintuitive: with regards to kindness, conflict is not a problem but actually an ally.

  • In the kindness-towards-loved-ones arena, conflict shows you where you are preventing yourself from being known and loved, where you are hiding, and where you can strengthen the relationship by showing up more.
  • In the kindness-towards-neutral-people arena, conflict shows you where you are either too naive, or too suspicious of others.
  • And in the kindness-towards-difficult-people arena, conflict shows you where you are holding on to pain, and in what way that holding on still serves you in this moment.

Conflict communicates boundaries

Conflict is how you get to know other people, well and truly. Because conflict communicates boundaries. If other people don’t know where your boundaries are, they will keep trespassing, and you will encounter all kinds of emotions that are related to those trespasses, but if you don’t communicate this, it will only continue.

Conflict communicates vulnerability, strength, and care

Initiating conflict implies the courage to share your vulnerability, which is far from weak, but rather a sign of proper social adjustment, and a good measure of ego strength.

How to practice metta for optimal development

Find the conflict, find your edge. It’s no use practicing something that just makes you feel fuzzy inside. Find the place that makes you queasy, that makes you gag, or reel, or go faint. Practice nosebleed metta, for the love of everything that is dear.

Written by

Meditation student, and sometimes teacher.

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